Suicide
by Revlis Charm
Summary: Something happens to Jay, and Zane is hurt in the process. Kai, Cole, and Lloyd are suspicious of Jay. Is he hiding hurt behind his fake smile and dried eyes? WARNING: Self harm, depression, and violence. Rated T for Violence and swearing. ABANDONED
1. Prolouge

I wait in darkness for my prey to come. I am crouched in a dark ally, the walls coated in soot. A few feet behind me, on the left side of me, is a rusted metal door. The sky is dark, heavy grey clouds obscuring the stars.

I wear tattered black jeans, a black spiked belt around my waist, and a black tank top with dark red stains on it. My feet are bare and covered in filth, as well as a few small scratches. Two leather wristbands adorn each of my wrists, and are outlined in silver studs. My skin is pale, and my long, dull purple hair falls over my shoulders. My glowing red eyes stare straight ahead, waiting, watching.

At last, I see him. He is walking past, clad in blue. He has auburn hair and bright, lively green eyes. His right eyebrow is nicked. I hear him softly singing a song as he walks towards the drug store for weapon supplies. I smirk, my fangs glistening.

"I've got the magic in me...every time I touch that track, it turns into gold...know everybody knows I've got the magic in me...when I hit the flow the girls come snapping at me...now everybody wants some presto magic..."

He softly sings, then stops walking and checks his pockets for something. I tense up.

"Its tricks that I'll attempt will blow your mind, pick a verse any verse I'll hypnotize you with every line, I need a volunteer how bout you, with the eyes, come on down to the front and sit right here and don't be shy, come one come all, and see the show tonight, prepare to be astounded, no ghosts or poltergeists, you know I'm no Phonocio I never told a lie, they call me Mr. Magic Man I float to cloud 9..."

He continued to sing while he rummaged through his pockets. My muscles tense up, then, I pounced on my victim.

I landed on him, and he gave a muffled scream. Quickly, I dragged him back into the ally and through the metal door, bolting it shut. I turned to him. The floor was concrete, the walls too. Dark red splatters of blood were everywhere, as too on an assortment of weapons. On the walls, hung on pegs and holders, were many torture devices.

The boy in blue, Jay Walker, I was told, was lying against a wall, his eyes wide in terror. The room was dimly with a flickering light. Jay screamed in terror, as if asking anyone who was there for help. But no one was interrupting~. I got on all fours, growling slightly. He tried to back away from me, but only succeeded in pressing himself further into the wall. I didn't blame him.

Black, ebony spikes jutted from my back, along my spine. A dark purple devil tail whipped around, jutting from my waistband. My nails were black claws, my teeth razor sharp. I grinned at him, baring all my hideous fangs. He screamed again, his voice filled with pure terror at seeing my horrific appearance.

I bared my teeth and pounced. I landed on top of him once more, and flung him on his chest. I put one clawed foot on his back, and grabbed his right arm. I then started twisting it, twisting it hard. Jay screamed, but the room was soundproof. I continued to twist, until I heard a sickening snap.

Jay screamed, a pure, agonizing sound. Yet I continued to twist, to right it. It snapped back in place. I then moved to the other arm, singing as I worked.

"Yah, you never said a word

You didn't send me no letter

Don't think I could forgive you

See our world is slowly dying

I'm not wasting no more time

Don't think I could believe you

Yah, you never said a word

You didn't send me no letter

Don't think I could forgive you

See our world is slowly dying

I'm not wasting no more time

Don't think I could believe you

Yah, our hands will get more wrinkled

And our hair will be grey

Don't think I could forgive you

And see the children are starving

And their houses were destroyed

Don't think they could forgive you

Hey, when seas will cover lands

And when men will be no more

Don't think you can forgive you

Yah when there'll just be silence

And when life will be over

Don't think you will forgive you

Yah, you never said a word

You didn't send me no letter

Don't think I could forgive you

See our world is slowly dying

I'm not wasting no more time

Don't think I could believe you

Yah, you never said a word

You didn't send me no letter

Don't think I could forgive you

See our world is slowly dying

I'm not wasting no more time

Don't think I could believe you

Yah, our hands will get more wrinkled

And our hair will be grey

Don't think I could forgive you

And see the children are starving

And their houses were destroyed

Don't think they could forgive you

Hey, when seas will cover lands

And when men will be no more

Don't think you can forgive you

Yah when there'll just be silence

And when life will be over

Don't think you will forgive you."

Finally, I stopped singing when I had finished both arms, and legs. Jay was crying now, silently. But I wasn't done yet! I was still having my fun.

I took out a chain and stood up. The chain flys through the air, hitting the Lightning Ninja's trembling form. Once, twice, 16 times. Jay screams in pain, his body writhing. I put the chain away.

I turn him over to face me. His pale face is full of fear. I whip off his top, revealing a bare chest. I take out my glowing, blood red stele. It has a beautifully carved black metal hilt, with swirling designs. The red blade is engraved with a word.

Schmerz.

She started carving symbols into his body, and he yelped. It felt like burning to him. He bit his lip.I continued to carve symbols into him, each having different meanings.

ཡེ Agony

ཋོི Terror

ཎིུ Despair

ཤེ Betrayal

ཝོུ Misery

ཧིེ Hate

ཞྭི Pain

ཉྭི Dark

She finished, then, smiling, turned him over on his chest. His back was smooth, pale and scarred from his many battles. Her smile grew, showing her sharp fangs. She started to carve a symbol in his back with her stele, harshly. Jay cried out.

As she worked, dark red blood leaked from his wounds. The carvings she had made earlier turned black. She dug the stele deeper, and Jay screamed painfully. He was crying now, his bright green eyes leaking tears.

His blood flowed onto her. Soon, she was coated in hot, sticky red blood. Yet she gave no notice. At last, she was finished. She grinned and stood up, admiring her work.

She looked proudly at the symbol carved into Jay's back.

ཞཻཾ

Insane.

(Just so you know, Schmerz means Pain in German. Lol I looked dat s*it up. Also I censor my swear words even though I don't have a f*cking problem with swear words)


	2. Chapter 1: Discovery and Loss

( this takes place after they defeated Chen)

(Kai's POV)

I sat in the small room of the rental house we got. There were 6 bedrooms, and a kitchen. Each bedroom had its own bathroom, as well as the kitchen. The kitchen had a small, round table, white walls, and a wooden floor.

Me, Cole, Lloyd, and Zane sat at the small wooden table, eating dinner. Two of the chairs were unoccupied. Jay was out getting weapons, and Nya was in her room. We continued to eat the chicken and rice Zane had made us.

After a few minutes, we finished. Cole and Lloyd said goodnight and went to their rooms. I was about to do the same when I heard the door open. Jay walked in carrying two bags.

He looked tired, his auburn hair ruffled. I also noticed his new clothes. Instead of his blue ninja GI, he now wore jeans, black boots, and a black leather jacket. I frowned and looked at his face.

It was pale, expressionless. I got a shock when I saw his eyes.

Instead of their bright, spirited green, they now were a empty black. Soulless.

He deposited the first bag onto the table, then turned around and left without saying anything. I felt so confused, for many reasons. But before he had left, I had spotted the tip of a black mark peaking over his collar.

ེཾ

What was it?

(Kai's POV)

Over the next 3 days, Jay didn't come out of his room once. It worried us. So, we hatched a plan for Zane to go in there to see what was going on. We had also made him attach a micro chip to his wrist, so we could hear them. We needed to know exactly what was going on with Jay.

ΩDA NEXT DAYΩ...

(No POV)

Zane had walked into the bathroom where Jay was, while we waited in Jay's room. It was all blue, with dark blue dyed wooden floors, and painted blue walls and ceiling. There was a bed with black covering and white pillows for Jay to sleep in.

But it was untouched. On the right wall was a oak bookshelf with dozens of books on mechanics and inventing. Next to the shelf was a white door to the bathroom. But something had disturbed the ninja greatly.

On one of the walls was the words 'IM ALREADY DEAD INSIDE' and on the ceiling 'SELF HARM IS A SILENT ADDICTION', both were written in blood. The ninja were on the floor, listening to the conversation. It wasn't going well.

(Zane's POV)

Zane walked into the bathroom. The floors were teal tile, while the walls were white tile. There was a shower, sink, and toilet. Jay was in the tub, curled up. I nervously approached Jay. Just then, I noticed the floor was littered with pills, and pill cases.

"J-Jay?"

A second later, Jay was there, standing in front of me. I stumbled back into the wall. He stared fearfully at Jay. Jay was wearing torn jeans, and a dark blue t shirt. His pale arms were cut, scarred. I forced my eyes to look at his face.

His face was pale, his lips blue. And his eyes...the bright green was now ruby red. His black pupils had turned to catlike slits. He had a crazed expression.

Slowly, he approached me. I took a deep breath. I had to save him.

"There was no one to tell

And nowhere to hide

So I kept to myself

While a part of me died."

My glowing blue eyes widened. This was not Jay. I shook my head in disbelief. Jay spoke again.

"Every thought is a battle

Every breath is a war

And I don't think

I'm winning anymore."

I didn't know what to do. But he was speaking in rhymes, it was hard to understand him.

"Jay, what happened? What's wrong? Are you ok?"

I ask him, hoping to try and reach my brother. Wrong thing to say. He glares at me and snarls.

"Don't ask if I'm ok

Don't ask if I'm alright

Because the only thing

That would

bring me joy

Is to find myself dead tonight."

I almost choke. What was wrong with him? Still, I had to try.

"Jay-"

I never get to finish. He lunges at me, and slams me into the edge of the tub. I cry out. My vision glitches for a second, and I hear a click.

He locked the door.

I look up. Jay is kneeling next to the closed lid of the toilet, pills in front of him. He glances at me and smiles insanely, revealing sharp teeth. He looks back at the pills.

"In front of me are ten pills, pretty little pills.

I'll take one because you lied to me..."

He picked one up and put it in his mouth.

"I'll take another for all the family trouble..."

He put another in his mouth.

"Ill take two more for the scars on me..."

He swallowed two of the small pills.

"I'll take another because I hate myself..."

Jay ate yet another one, and I started to panic. He had just had 5 pills. Who knows what they could do to him?

"I'll take another for all the rumors..."

He continued. I struggled to get up, and a warning sign flashed in front of my eyes. I gritted my teeth. I had to wait.

"I'll take one for all the nights I've cried..."

I blink as he takes another. All the nights he's cried? I never...we never knew he did...I look at him. He's shaking slightly.

"Now, I'm shaking, I'll take one more because I need to calm down..."

I want to scream at him to stop as he swallows yet another pill. But I only manage a gasp. He's taken most of the pills. He needs to stop!

"One left...am I beautiful now? Does this make me perfect?..."

Jay shoves the last one down. I gulp.

"I'm done. I'm perfect now..."

He looks at me. He's visibly shaking as he starts to get up.

"He paints a pretty picture,

But the story has a twist,

His paint brush is a razor

And his caravans is his wrist,

He paints his pretty picture

In a colour that's blood red

While using his sharp paint brush

He ends up finally dead

His pretty pictures fading

Quite slowly on his arm

The blood is not racing through him

He can no longer do harm

He painted his pretty picture

But the story had a twist

His mind was a razor

And his heart was his wrist."

He stumbles towards a bottle lying on the floor and twists off the cap. Jay puts the bottle to his mouth and swallows its contents. As he does, shimmering amber liquid leaks out of the sides of his mouth, falling to the floor.

He tosses it aside and looks back to me.

"Can you feel it?

The dead weight of

Your legs from the

Sleeping pills, the

Dizziness from the

Alcohol, the soft

Throbbing of your

Pulse as blood is

Pumped out your wrist?

That's it.

That's what we've

Been waiting for,

that's the quiet comfort.

The beauty of dying."

Jay whispers and slowly walks towards me, who is still in shock.

"Are you ok...?"

I say, and immediately regret it the moment the words leave my mouth. Jay's mouth twists into a sneer.

"No, I'm not ok. I'm destroyed, I'm broken, I'm a mess, I'm missing the most

Important pieces, I will never be whole, I will never be okay."

Jay grabs me be the collar and hauls me up. He slams me against the wall and I cry out.

"Just let the flame kiss my skin,

Let the razor glide across my wrist,

Let the pills take control of me,

Let the shotgun pass through my head,

Let me gasp for air when it's not there,

I want the pain.

I want my life gone.

I want to die.

Why cant you just let me die?"

Jay says, face to face with me. I look sadly at him.

"Because we care about you, Jay Walker. We're your brothers. We wont let you die."

I'm trying to save him now, I'm trying to help him. His eyes immediately blaze with rage. He slams me against the sink and I yell in pain.

"Shut the f*ck up you lying bitch!"

Jay screams at me, and I feel a spark of annoyance. I glare back at him.

"You call me a bitch? Well, a bitch is a dog, dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees are part of nature, and nature is beautiful. So, yea, thanks for the complaint."

I remark, then regret it. He grabs my neck, and hauls me up so that we're face to face. Then, he whispers in my ear.

"Darkness cannot be

beaten. Evil cannot be

stopped. You of all

people should

know this. It always

lives in the hearts

of people like you."

Those words hit me hard, and I gasp. I shake my head.

"Your wrong, Jay."

I protest softly. He just grins at me insanely and pulls out a black flash drive with a red strip. My eyes widen in fear and recognition. No...

Jay holds it up and tilts his head sideways.

"Cut, burn, pull, scratch

Break some glass then

strike a match. Pop the

pills then take a drink.

Watch your blood run down

the sink. Gone are the

voices inside your head, and

now your close to being

dead."

He jams the flash drive into my neck, and the last thing I see is my brothers face. He is gone...


	3. Chapter 2: Short

(Kai's POV)

"Cut, burn, pull, scratch

Break some glass then

strike a match. Pop the

pills then take a drink.

Watch your blood run down

the sink. Gone are the

voices inside your head, and

now your close to being

dead."

My jaw drops. Lloyd, Cole, and me lean in closer, but then...

There's only static.

I suck in a breath and race toward the door. I place my hand on the golden doorknob, my palm covering the ¥ symbol-

And my hand jerks back, burning. But I can't hesitate, Zane's in trouble. I can sense Lloyd and Cole next to me, but I ignore them. I place my hand back onto the handle, ignoring the harsh pain. Slowly, my hand burning in agony, I twist the handle. Black clouds of smoke are rising off, but I ignore it.

The door swings open and I stumble in. Quickly, I look at my hand. The ¥ symbol is imprinted on my palm, but I ignore the searing pain. I look around, searching the room. The white tiled walls are spotless, but the teal tiled floor is strewn with pills, empty bottles, and pill cases. I give a little gasp.

Zane is lying in the tub, unconscious. Lloyd immediately rushes over to our ice brother. I look at the sink, where a blue clad figure stands, his hands gripping its sides.

Jay.

He faces the mirror above the sink, shaking. His auburn hair is messy and caked with dried blood, his arms scarred. Fresh cuts bleed, dripping blood onto the edges of the white sink. I stay quiet.

I gaze down at a pile of pill cases, and kneel down. He picks one up and examines it.

It has 8 round spots going down, and 4 across. The ones with pills still in them had writing on it.

•I••

DONT

WANT

•TO•

LIVE

•IN•

THIS

HELL

I stand up and look at Jay. He's still shaking. I take a deep breath, but he speaks before me.

"Slit your wrists and cut your

thighs. Fake a smile and dry

your eyes. Hate yourself and

hate your life. Welcome to my

world of Lies."

I'm too shocked to speak. He's still looking at the mirror, not looking at us. I can hear a soft tapping as blood falls. Slowly, I stand up. Cole walks over to me, looking at Jay.

"Why do you want to kill yourself?"

Cole says, his voice shaking. Jay finally looks at us. I make a choking sound in the back of my throat.

His face is pale white, his lips completely blue. Blood drips from his mouth and onto the floor. Shadows resign under his eyes. But that's no the worst part.

His eyes, once lively green, are now blood red, the pupils slit. He is crying, but it is not tears.

It is blood.

It trails down from his eyes, leaving red stains in its path. I look in horror at him.

"Its a long story."

Jay answers Cole, gazing at us.

"I want to help you."

Cole takes a step towards Jay, and he twitches.

"You can't."

"Well, I'm going to try anyway."

"Yea, I know you are. You'll help for a

week or two and then when I start to

feel close to you and I'll tell you my secrets

and you'll find out how bad I really am.

Then you'll say how upset you are that

I'm so depressed and you'll say you'll

get me help. You'll make empty

promises, you'll pretend like you care

when inside you've given up on me. I'll

learn that I can't tell you those things

anymore, and you will stop asking

about them, even though it's

still happening. We'll grow distant and

I'll hate myself for opening up to you.

You won't realize that I'll try to kill

myself again. We'll still talk but there

will always be that awkwardness.

Because you gave up. Because

everyone does in the end. Your closest

friends become far away figures and

you are left on your own to cope with

these fucked up emotions and you have

no idea how. Everyone gives up and I

mean everyone. And that, more than

anything, made me want to die."

My mouth opens on its own, I can't help it. I glance at Cole, and see his amethyst eyes are wide open, staring at our brother.

But was that really our brother, standing there?

Jay smiles, a twisted, wrong smile. Then, without any warning at all, Cole tackles him. The rest was a blur. Jay screaming, Cole holding him down, finally restraining him.

Oh Jay...


	4. Chapter 3: She is Coming

(Jay's POV)

I sit at on my bed, a dark blue leather journal in my lap. The writings I had made on the walls were gone. The others had cleaned them off and taken Zane away. To try and 'help him' they had said. My untouched dinner Kai brought me lie on my nightstand.

I wasn't hungry. I wasn't...anything. I flip through the pages of my journal, looking at the entry's i had made.

 _Roses are red, violets are blue,_

 _sugar is sweet, and perhaps so are you._

 _But the roses have wilted, the violets are dead,_

 _the sugar bowls empty, your wrists are stained red._

 _The sun isn't shining, the sky isn't clear;_

 _there's no silver lining cause you no longer here._

 _Rain keeps on pouring, there's no end in sight,_

 _your laying there frozen, so far from the light._

 _Your beauty's unreal, your smile the sun,_

 _but time cant be turned nor your actions undone._

 _Your words that you wrote that only I read;_

 _"I love you so much; please don't cry when I'm dead."_

 _A bond that we formed, a love that ran deep,_

 _a pain that we shared; a friend i could keep._

 _I wanted to hold you, wipe the tears from your eyes;_

 _been there every moment you said you goodbye._

 _I want to forget but most times i don't,_

 _I want to let go, but I know that I wont._

 _tears on my face, memories burned in my head;_

 _the roses have wilted, the violets are dead._

 _I'm..._

 _ **S** cared of life, I cant carry on_

 _ **U** seless for everyone, they all want me gone_

 _ **I** mpossible to love, too impossible to care_

 _ **C** onfused in this broken land, for me there's no one there_

 _ **I** nvisible for everyone, they think I'm a bore_

 _ **D** amaged at heart, which they gladly tore_

 _ **E** motional, I cant possibly live on anymore..._

 _11:04pm_

 _I am content_

 _The smile on my face_

 _Feels real_

 _12:47am_

 _The loneliness comes._

 _The feeling is starting to_

 _get to me._

 _2:38am_

 _I cry by myself._

 _My heart is hurting because_

 _no one holds it._

 _3:16am_

 _I lie sadly awake._

 _I cannot take this feeling_

 _any longer._

 _4:29am_

 _My skin is burning._

 _The razor has done its_

 _Job once more._

 _it's gotten to the point where_

 _i don't know who i am anymore_

 _i constantly feel like im on the verge_

 _of breaking down_

 _i feel like im going crazy_

 _and if my mind is an ocean_

 _my thoughts are a tsunami_

 _i cant sleep_

 _i cant concentrate_

 _i cant even think straight_

 _I_

 _Am_

 _A_

 _Mess_

 _I am coming apart at the seems_

 _and it scares me._

 _I think I hit the point in life_

 _Where I'm Just done._

 _I cried_

 _I fount_

 _I tried_

 _but everything is crashing down,_

 _The daemons are screaming louder,_

 _Trying to eat the rest of me away,_

 _And this time,_

 _I'm not going to fight back._

 _I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains draw and the nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever happened to me is my own fault. I've done something wrong, something so huge I cant even see it, something that's drowning me. I'm inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead._

I stop at a blank page and put the tip of the pen to the paper. I'm motionless for a second, then I start to write, the words flowing from me.

 _Today I look at my life and wonder._

 _Is life worth all this pain I have been through?_

 _My whole being has been twisted by your selfishness_

 _My understanding of life is so mush different than others.._

 _What they see as torment, I see as pleasure..._

 _I use to wish for my salvation_

 _But now I only wish to feel my own suffering_

 _For I have grown to love the feeling of torment_

 _I love to see the scars on my skin_

 _And feel the scars on my soul_

 _If only you knew the real me_

 _You would cry and pity me..._

 _But I wish you never to know.._

 _For I still cling to that hope_

 _Of you becoming the person you once were..._

He closed the journal and set it on the bedside table. He got up and stumbled to the bathroom, which the others had now cleaned out. He closed the door and went over to the sink. His hands griped the sides as he looked at himself in the mirror.

He had on a blue tee and jeans. His feet were bare, his hands covered in white bandages. Every day, he had to show them his arms.

 _"See, no scars?"_

 _I said as I held out my arms for Cole to examine. I smiled at him like nothing was wrong. He frowned at me, looking closely at my arms, turning them over in his hands._

 _I continued to smile at him. Cole nodded finally and walked out of my room, locking the door behind him. They had changed the lock so it locked outside, not in._

 _But it's all lies._

 _They only check my wrists._

 _Not thighs._

My skin is pale, my hair a wreck. Dark shadows circle under my eyes. My lips are blue, my once lively green eyes black. Dark. Restrained.

"Don't trust too much

Don't love too much

Don't hope too much

Because that too much...

can hurt you so much..."

I speak aloud, and grin, my sharpened teeth showing. I will escape. I will.

 _Tonight..._

A voice, female, says in my head. I laugh. I continue to laugh and laugh. She is coming. They cannot stop her. I fall to my knees, then my hands, still laughing as my head bows. The first tears fall from both eyes at the same time. Something I read comes to mind.

 _When a person cries and the first drop of tears come from the right eye, it's from happiness. But when the first roll is from left, it is pain._

So I'm happy...and in pain...

Still, I laugh, red droplets of blood dripping from my eyes, staining my cheeks red. A small pool of blood appears. I laugh. She is coming. She is coming.


	5. Chapter 4: Dreams and Coming

(Kai's POV)

I lie in bed, my hands behind my head, staring up at the red ceiling. The room is red and gold, from the dark red walls to the redwood floors. It has the same layout as the others, but instead of a bookshelf, its a TV. There's a window, the golden curtains opened to let moonlight stream in.

My red walls are my favorite part of my room. Not the punching bag hanging at the end of the bed or the tv, the walls. Golden paintings describing battle and fighting are decorating the walls. Ninjas vs...evil. Some kind of enemy. But I'm thinking of before.

He had heard Jay laughing before, his room was right next to mine. He had heard laughing and screaming and crying. He usually does. I think of the night after we had found out about Jay. The night after Jay had plugged in Virus Z to Zane. Virus Z...

(Flash back)

 _"Guys, remember those robots a few days ago?"_

 _We were in Jay's room. He had made Zane not come in there for some reason._

 _Cole nodded._

 _"Yea, they said 'You'll be short a few members soon, ninja. Particularly HE will be joining his brethren.'"_

 _"EXACTLY! I was walking around, and I found two of those robots talking to each other. So I went over and overheard them. They MENT ZANE! NINDROID! They were gonna use this thing to Hack him, called it Virus Z. But I got it."_

 _We were shocked, and started fighting if he was lying. Jay kept it safe in the end. If only we had known..._

(End of flash back)

I start to think back to the night after we found Jay again. I had been sleeping...

(Flash back two lol)

 _My eyelids start to droop, and I fall asleep._

 _-dream-_

 _I'm in a digital forest. The trees are blue, with bright green leaves. There's digital strips everywhere, like in the Digiverse. I look around wildly. Where am I? *Snap* A twig breaks behind me. I spin on my heels to face the sound. My eyes dart around wildly. I turn around and run into the woods._

 _I don't get too far before I slam into something. I quickly get on my feet and see a shiny, metal figure._

 _"Zane!?"_

 _The Nindroids glowing blue eyes widen. He looks the same as always. But his hands are shiny black...wtf?_

 _"Kai?! What-I-are you real?"_

 _"I was going to say that. Where are we?"_

 _Zane looks worried. And really, really scared._

 _"I...I don't know. Kai, please. Help me. They're trying to get me."_

 _"What? Who is?"_

 _"The-Virus's."_

 _Those were the robot things._

 _"Kai, this is my mind. They're trying to take over me. Help me!"_

 _Everything starts to glitch. I can feel weight, pressing down on me. Some pain on my arm. What?_

 _"I promise I'll find you Zane! I promise!"_

 _Then the world changes. I open my eyes, and am face to face with a pair of black ones. Soulless. Empty._

 _Jay._

 _I scream, and he falls off me. He looks at me and snarls._

 _"What's the point of fighting? Repeatedly, no end in sight, a new enemy always there. Its infinite."_

 _He is quick, and in a second, gone. The door slams shut._

 _"What the hell?"_

 _I can feel a burning on my back, heart, right hip, and left forearm. I look down._

 _"Fuck!"_

 _There's black marks on me. Shit._

 _I get up and look at myself in the mirror, turning to face my back. There's a black mark like a I, with two ' on each side. I turn to the front._

 _Over my heart is my fire dragon symbol. On my side is this:_

 _ཁཨྀ_

 _Going down. I look at my left forearm. There's an infinity symbol. Wtf did he do to me?_

(End of Flashback ||: The Lost Markings Lol)

I sign and turn over. My eyes close, and I drift off to a dream.

-dream-

Zane is chained to a rock. It's like we're in the Digiverse again. Except black and red. One figure stands in front of him. There were two, I remember. Dice, who looked something like Zane a bit. Vira, who looked part dragon. She had said something about, "Sissy will get blue." Idfk wtf that meant.

There had also been Virus. The leader. Right now, Dice was in front of Zane, grinning harshly. Dice wore a black ninja GI with red designs. His suit shined, similar to Zane's. He had black metal skin and his hair was also black, with red tips. Dices hair was styled like Zane's, and his eyes were blood red.

Zane's legs were now black, up to his hip. His hands were chained together, and his ankles. The chains then went up, like an ι. Zane was barely conscious, and looked in pain.

"Your friends cant save you now, Zane. You are helpless."

Dice spoke in a voice a little similar to Zane's, but more robotic and cruel. Zane looked up. His eyes looked tired.

"They...will. They will help me and stop you."

Dice laughed. His laugh sounded like ice cracking. He walked over, his glowing blood red eyes fixed on Zane. Dice knelt in front of my ice Brother, smiling.

"You still really think they'll come to you?"

Dice laughed again, cruel and merciless.

"They'll never come. Give in, Zane. Your one of us."

Dice leaned in and whispered in Zane's ear.

"You belong to us now. Now, and forever brother."

-dream ends-

I wake up with a gasp, drenched in sweat, my heart racing and head pounding. I lean forward, Zane's helpless figure still pictured in mind. I run a shaking hand through my hair. Zane...

(Jay's POV)

I sit on the edge of my bed when I hear a voice.

"Hello again, little friend."

I cannot see her, but I can feel her presence. She is right in front of me.

"Now. We can...talk."

I nod, still not being able to talk. I'm sweating. Why am I afraid of her?

She purrs, and I feel her next to my shoulder. He still stares, motionless, ahead. Not saying a word.

"Remember me? My name is Saline."

She is right on my shoulder now.

"I will tell you a short story now..."

I nod to let her know she can. She made me this way.

"First, they are going to forget to check your wrists. Just wear long sleeves-"

She drops a dark gray hoodie onto my bed. I pick it up and slid it over my head. It is cold and damp.

"-and act happy."

She purrs once more. I roll up the sleeves and, not looking, feel my nightstand. There is a razor there, she must have gave me it.

I put the razor to my skin, and cut. Red lines appear, and bright red droplets of blood ooze from them and drip to the floor. I next cut my thighs, I am wearing shorts. Mores red lines appear, standing out against the old ones. Red stains my hand once I'm done. I place my razor on the stand.

"I will tell you that story now. Tuck in, Suicide boy..."

I pull down the sheets and lie down, pulling the sheets back up after. I look up at the ceiling.

"Water trickles on his wrists

Wiping away the blood

Wiping away the pain caused by so many others

The voices in his head are screaming for him to kill himself

Telling him to forget about the small amount of hope he still holds on to

For that hope is the only thing keeping him alive

He feels as if everyone around him don't see him

They see him as broken, something that can't be fixed

But everything can be fixed it may not be perfect

But it still holds value

In this case the value of a person's life

Someone who didn't deserve the way he was made to feel

He had people tell him 'I hope you die in your sleep'

Or people saying he was better off in a coffin

These words he started to believe so after so many years of hoping he gave up

He gave in to the voices in his head

That night he went in to his bathroom and took out his handgun

He held it to his head and with tears streaming down his face he pulled the trigger

His family woke in a fright and ran to the bathroom

To find his limp, cold body lying on the floor, hoping that what they saw wasn't real

That there best friend wasn't gone

They blamed themselves for not seeing how much pain he was in

For not noticing him when it mattered."

I blink slowly. That was nice...

A cold hand brushes my cheek. I hear a small thud.

"I've left you some pills for the next few days, and a pencil."

Pencil?

"Now heres one more thing before I leave..."

I close my eyes and listen to her cruel voice.

"Oh, little Suicide boy.

Suicide boy, did they even know your name?

Suicide boy, they act like you put a bullet through your head for fame.

Suicide boy, the ones who you thought never noticed you are now wearing all black.

Suicide boy, you've done something you can't take back.

Suicide boy, the doctors did all they could.

Suicide boy, your room is being boarded off with wood.

Suicide boy, I wish I could have saved you.

Suicide boy, could I even if I'd wanted to?

Suicide boy, your name is all over the news.

Suicide boy, you're now the broken boy with a permanent blues.

Suicide boy, you're floating through my dreams.

Suicide boy, no one could hear your screams.

Suicide boy, everyone is starting to move on.

Suicide boy, I'll never be the same now that you're gone.

Suicide boy, you'll never get to grow old.

Suicide boy, you could never fit their mold.

Suicide boy, they're saying you were a lost cause from a start.

Suicide boy, how could a broken home ever heal a broken heart?

Suicide boy, your ending is bittersweet and you're just a statistic now.

Suicide boy, the curtains are closing and you're not here to take a bow."

I'm drifting off to darkness now...

"Goodnight, Suicide boy."


	6. Chapter 5: Texts and Nothing

**JESUS CHRIST I AM SO DARK!**

 **And...**

 **I...**

 **LIKE IT! Lol :D**

 **TEXTING TIME LOL**

(Nya's POV)

I sit in bed, the red sheets pulled over my legs. My phone is on my lap. The person I'm texting is Jay. I'm not allowed to TALK to him, but what about TEXTING him?

 _Samurai X: Hey_

 _Jay¥: Hey_

 _Samurai X: How are you_

It starts to load, then he texts me back.

 _Jay¥: How am I...? I'm_

 _emotionally drained. I_

 _could kill myself right now_

 _without a second thought._

 _I'm so done with_

 _everything. But you don't_

 _really wanna hear that, so_

 _I'll go with fine._

My lips part in surprise. Is this what they meant? I sit, thinking for a moment, before my fingers start to tap the screen.

 _Samurai X: Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today but eventually._

The loading bar appears.

 _Jay¥: Don't you dare tell me I'm beautiful_

 _Until you've seen my scars_

 _That carve my body_

 _And the blood_

 _That pours out of my soul_

 _Don't you dare tell me I'm lovely_

 _Until I completely shut you out_

 _Because I swore to myself_

 _Your just like the rest_

 _And you'll get sick of me_

 _Don't you dare tell me I'm flawless_

 _Until you've seen me break down in tears_

 _I'll show yup the darkness_

 _That consumes me_

 _And you'll run away_

 _But if you_

 _Have seen my scars_

 _Bitterness_

 _And darkness_

 _Then perhaps I believe you_

She frowns, the corner of her lips tugging down. What happened to my boyfriend? I start to tap the screen again, hoping for a better response.

 _Samurai X: Try. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to try._

 _Jay¥: I just wanna sleep forever_

 _Samurai X: I don't really see the difference between saying that and saying "I wanna die"_

 _Jay¥: Because there's not_

This is not my boyfriend. This is not Jay.

 _Samurai X: Who you are is want makes you special. Don't let anyone change that._

 _What lies ahead will always be a mystery. Don't be afraid to explore._

 _When life pushes you over, you push back harder._

 _Where there are choices to make, make the ones you wont regret_

 _Why things happen will never be certain. Take it in stride and move forward._

 _Jay¥: Do you ever feel numb_

 _It's that feeling when your whole world_

 _Seems to fall apart right in front of you_

 _And there's nothing you can do about it_

 _It's that feeling when you're all choked up_

 _And the words Just won't seem to come out_

 _The tears are stuck, and they strangle you_

 _And all you feel is sole numbness_

 _It's that feeling when you're indecisive_

 _Do you not care anymore?_

 _Or are you Just really tired?_

 _Or is this Just a phase that will pass?_

 _It's that feeling when you're exhausted_

 _Mentally_

 _Physically_

 _Emotionally_

 _And you wish to close your eyes_

 _And never open them,_

 _Ever again._

 _Samurai X: H.O.P.E._

 _Hold On, Pain Ends_

 _Jay¥: me_

 _I h8 you,_

 _gg tho._

 _ttyl or more like_

 _never._

 _sincerely,_

 _me_

(Jay's POV)

I shut down my phone and put it on my nightstand. Moonlight shines down onto the floor, creating a patch of moonlight. I walk over to my dark blue curtains and close them. I don't like light.

I sit on the end of my bed, watching the clock above the bathroom door.

*tick*

*tock*

*tick*

*tock*

It's driving me crazy. He gets up and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I take the pill case out of my pocket and gulp the whole thing down. He stares at his reflection.

*tick*

*tock*

The sound of breaking glass rings through the room. He stands, bleeding fist in front of him, mirror shattered. Blood drips off his fist and onto the tiled floor. I walk out, not bothering to pick it up.

He lays down in bed. He thinks of the others, yelling at him earlier. They hated him.

My arms are wet and sticky and my eyes feel heavy and dull.

Darkness is around me, and now I can't feel nothing at all.

I can hear myself breathing and now I'm slowly falling asleep.

I've fallen in the abyss, and now I'm nearly six foot deep...

I drift off to sleep.

(Don't worry he's not dead.)

(Jay's POV)

I can feel her.

Slowly, I wake up. I can feel her presence.

"Hello, little Suicide boy."

I stay silent and swing my legs over the bed side, staring at the wall.

"Is it possible to have no emotion?

Being so far gone in being numb that I can't the simplest thing about.

I can't think, that's too hard

I can't talk too confusing

Writing a challenge I hate

I feel hollow, an empty shell

I'm here but not entirely

I'm numb

Is it possible to have no emotion?

If so, I have no emotion

No sadness

No joy

I've checked out

I'm here but not entirely."

She slips a glass of some amber liquid into my hands. I gulp it down gratefully. The only things I've had were pills. The liquid burns my throat, but I drink every last gulp. I then throw the empty glass on the ground. It shatters.

He lays down on his bed, looking at the ceiling. Her presence is right next to him.

"Now. Take off your shirt, and I'll make art with a blade."

He sits up, and does so obediently. He feels...numb. I toss the dark blue tee shirt with white lightning designs to the side. He hears the slice of a blade being drawn, and then feels a searing pain on his back. But he does nothing. Just...empty numbness. He couldn't feel.

She starts to talk as she works.

"A broken mirror,

A bleeding fist,

A silver blade against the wrist,

Tears falling down to lips un kissed,

Ignore him and he wont exist,

He's not the kind you'll come to miss."

"Turn around."

He shifts his position without a word. He is numb. He cannot feel anything. Just nothingness.

She is still not visible, but he can feel her presence. And see the stele floating through the air, drawing on his marked skin. She starts to talk again.

"Talk to me. Tell me something, Suicide boy."

I'm silent for a moment as the burning increases painfully. Then I open my mouth and talk.

"In the bathroom.

palms sweating, heart racing.

in the mirror.

eyes screaming, hard breathing.

as my emotions overwhelm me;

crashing down like a thousand seas.

my reasons to live diminish.

'what the fuck is it gonna take for you to understand?'

'where is your control Jay?'

'your life is disappointing beyond words.'

words from the people I love.

i try, i'm trying.

i lie, i'm lying.

but i tried, i promise.

no i lied, i'm sorry.

one more time i'll cry,

because i no longer have the strength to get by.

it's a fucking pain to be a pain..

so why not end it all?

blade in hand, wrist in sight.

my only wish is to end my plight.

so selfish, so selfish.

think about those who care for you.

i don't give a fuck.

i swear for this is what they wish.

sitting in my blood with my demons..

fully aware that they have won.

could've swore i heard them say to Satan..

'this time we have him, it's nearly done.'

losing consciousness, i smile..

on my way to hell.

hey, i'll see you in a while.

you know it,

i can tell."

I then lay down, not caring whether or not she was done. My head hits the pillow. I feel her presence move to the window as I lay, motionless, numb. I cant feel.

"The girl is walking down a path

with shadows of death above

covering the light that

she never seems to see

Her life is black

along with her heart

She learns to live with the black

She seems to know nothing else

She walks down that path

with signs of death above

Happiness in her mind

is a joke so she frowns

She thinks about death

the thought of suicide is fun

Silting her wrists

and shooting that gun

I never loved

I never saw the light

I never was happy

I am such a fright

Nobody will cry

So tonight Im going to shot this gun under my chin and say one last goodbye

These were her last words

she wrote to everyone that

has walking in and out of her life

She took that gun

her hands so still

and said a final goodbye

and went for the kill

She shot a bullet

right up her head

as that girl

falls down on the ground

Her twin finds the body

and the note that lye with

she reads the note as

she cries to herself

She says to her died sister

"Im not a twin without you

so the other should die too"

So she took a knife

and slit her wrists

till the life of the other girl

could no longer exist."

I don't exist.

"Until we meet again. I hope you improve."

I am emotionless.

"Goodbye, Suicide boy."

I am nothing.

 **CHRIST I AM SO DARK JESUS**

 **Lol XD**


	7. AUTHORS NOTE

**Dear viewer,**

 **I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates. And due to the issues my PC has been having, I will not be able to make any more updates. I'm really sorry. Hopefully, my PC will be fixed, but until then, I'm sorry.**

 **Don't blame me, blame the PC. I really have been trying to update, I have, and I have typed up some great new chapters, but for some reason something on my PC won't let me update my stories. Bullshit.**

 **Again, I apologize.**

 **-RevlisCharm**


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